Create Your Own Sunshine !

I am a parent! That in itself whether you stay at home or you work outside the home is challenging. There are so many things about parenting that are so wonderful but also very overwhelming. Its the #mommy problems . LOL. Between the constant whining, fighting, neediness, daily activities, constant running around, play dates and normal everyday parenting stuff my brain and body are just so physically drained as the day goes on. I am just tired. LOL. Aren’t we all?? For me I find myself always worrying that I am not giving my children the attention that they deserve or that I am not as creative with the things that we do. I find myself asking questions like…Will they be smart enough, am I giving them all the tools they need to help their brains develop properly? Am I doing things that will facilitate their talents and little imaginations? Am I feeding them enough and the right foods? Are they polite and well mannered when I am not around. Will they be respectful? Am I a good parent. Will my kids love me or hate me? How can I find that healthy balance between being a parent and a cool mom at the same time. My kids don’t have to like me but they do need to respect me, but having them love me too would be pretty ideal. I am certainly not a pinterest mom and my mind slips to a few years from now when they will probably lock me out of their room and want nothing to do with me and it makes me sad. It also makes me want to spend as MUCH time as I can with them now while they still want me around and still crave my attention and my affection.As a business woman #girlboss and someone who works from home, with the kids at home, all the stress I put on myself to be a great parent has me over thinking everything in my business trying to be the best that I can be when it comes to scheduling, leadership, trainings, calls, and just being there for other people as much as I can since that is what I truly LOVE about my business. Fortunately I can create my own schedule and map out my own days but I put so much pressure on myself. WHY?? I want to do EVERYTHING for everyone. I have S.O.S. or shiny object syndrome. I see the next big shiny opportunity that seems to good to pass up usually before I have completed the first thing I started and before I know it, I have so many plates in the air that I am trying to spin. It is only a matter of time before one drops and shatters into pieces. I have to realize that I can’t carry everyone and everything. I can only be there for them if I am there for myself and spinning the plates that matter the most.

With the daily stresses, my marriage and my relationships with friends and Jesus all start to suffer. I neglect those relationships when I should be turning to them. I let the move to Texas and my distance from my family, friends, help with the kids and my homesick heart slowly bring me into a depressed mindset. We have made friends here but I never ask for help and which I need to do. I just haven’t allowed myself to step out and really get connected here. We do things but I have been holding back and I am not sure why.

Even though we are doing very well now financially we still live with a mind set to save and be cautious with money. It is a good thing because we seem to pay off all our debt and then the next surprise bill comes in the mail. LOL. Such is life. We all live with that right? Again this is another reason I am so Blessed to have the opportunity I have with my business so that I can just pay it all off when it comes. I have conditioned myself to just wait for that next surprise bill even though I have that emergency fund and I really shouldn’t worrying. It keeps me from delegating out the things that I probably should to take some of the pressure of myself.

During the week I spend very little time with anyone else aside from the kids and it makes things hard for me when it comes to that balance in making it ALL work together so the day feels like a success. Oh and lets not forget the household chores and to do’s. It is that balance I was talking about before. I shut down and keep things inside rather than just open up. I know it is because I just don’t want to feel embarrassed or like I can’t handle it all. I have always been able to handle it so why now am I letting it all get to me? I get so irritated so fast. I feel like I am not good enough. I start to question myself, my faith. I start to pick things apart in little details and am just a moody hot mess.

This morning I woke up thinking about ALL the little details and things that have been weighing on my mind and I thought to myself…What is wrong with you? NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! I am healthy, my family is healthy, my life is really AMAZING. My “Stuff” is normal everyday stuff so why do I let my emotions attack me like this. Why am I so hard on myself? There are people going through so much pain and suffering so why am I complaining?

The truth is that I am sure that we ALL go through things like this and most likely this is how most days sound for most people. I just have to be more efficient in the things I do. I have to create my own sunshine. I have to DECIDE how my mindset is going to be. I CAN create my own happiness or my own hell. I choose happiness. I DECIDE to let go of the worry and give it ALL to God. Let Him do the worrying for me and let Him take control. I just have to remain true to person that I was created to be and not be afraid to share my feelings and my thoughts with other people in fear of being criticized. Instead I choose to share so that I can receive the help and support that I need and to also GIVE help and support to others. Ultimately so that I can Grow and we can all grow together.

I help other people, for a living, learn how to create their own happiness. So I am starting today. “Flipping the Switch”. I am going to use accountability for myself in the areas of my life that I need help. Accountability is key. I agree to not take on so much. To learn to say no to things that I honestly just can’t balance. I will only take on things that fall in line with my priorities in life which are my Family & Faith first. I will set more goals to reflect my priorities and how I can be a better version of myself in all aspects. It may mean that I have to make sacrifices and that some things may seem like failures but I have to be okay with that. After all I am starting to that when things seem to be falling apart…they are actually falling together.

I am writing this today because I hope that it helps even just one person out there to stop being so hard on themselves and to help you CREATE YOUR OWN SUNSHINE! Take control. Reevaluate and ask for help. I want to create a small group for any of us that feel like this so that we can have accountability to ourselves for 30 days to do a PUSH to get our lives back on track. We can hold each other accountable for our faith (whatever it may be), our schedules, fitness, etc. We can all work together to Bring back the inner smiles to reflect the one that we show to everyone on the outside. I am starting TODAY. Does any of this sound like you? Do you want accountability too?