Well, we are here! Landed in FL and are at the fitness competition. As expected, I walked in and instantly my self doubt, body image issues and insecurities went into high gear. I am gonna get REALLY REAL & PERSONAL here. This is something that I have struggled with for a LONG time. It’s honestly just don’t talk about it as much as maybe I should. I guess mostly for fear of what people will say or think. Or maybe sounding hypocritical. Built here goes…
I look in the mirror and see all the things that aren’t the way I think they should look. My issues with always feeling like I needed to have “the perfect body” started when I was a gymnast. I was used an example at a very young age for what a “gymnasts body & legs” should look like and all the older girls would push me away, make fun of me, say mean things. It was always akward and I never really felt like I fit in because of it. The same is true today. I always feel like I am being judged as soon as I walk in, like no one will like me, like I am being sized up and I always feel like I don’t fit in. It’s probably why I have a dang good RBF. Lol.
Even at home, I just never really feel good in my own skin. It’s a struggle and something that I have been working hard to overcome. Thank God everyday for a very loving and supportive husband. It’s part of why I am making myself do this competition. I said that I would never do it again because I never felt good enough if my body wasn’t stage ready all the time. Once you know what you body can look like and it isn’t there all the time…it can be tricky. BUT it is just not realistic or sustainable for everyday life.
THIS IS WHY I focus so much on the health side of things. Becoming a coach has helped me learn to work on ME and how I see myself. To do personal development so I can learn to be more confident and comfortable in the body I am in. With the person I am.
Becoming a coach has helped hold me accountable for Exercising and for working out the way I do. I feel better when I do. It’s about learning to be happy and confident and that happiness is not found in just what you look like. It certainly HELPS, to feel good about your body and to be able to rock a pair of skinnies or a short dress with heels BUT it’s not everything.
Many people will read this and think I am whining. If that’s the case, “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. I am hoping that by sharing this that it helps someone who may feel the same way, but is afraid to share it like I have been for so long, feel more confident and to let you know that you are not alone.
So I am here, at a fitness competition, rocking a body that is no where near what it was the last time I stood on this stage, that is heavier, that is weaker, slower. But I will do my best to focus on the people and the experience and the FUN of it all and challenge myself. Challenge myself to LOVE the body I am in and know that I am ENOUGH