An orchestra does not perform with just the conductor alone. He directs each instrument as it plays it’s unique role in creating a beautiful sound. The conductor must turn his back from the crowd to LEAD each instrument TOGETHER allowing them as a whole to be the FOCUS. The conductor is the key that holds it all together, yet he makes NO SOUND.
One of the things that I have learned through my life is that the most successful people are more focused on the outcome and success of those they work with than that of themselves.
My point is, Lead from the front with your back to the crowd. Don’t worry about what others are doing. Comparison and fear of what others may say or do, or the faces they might make which leave you with that icky feeling inside, can completely PARALYZE you! If you back is turned and you are focused on YOUR ORCHESTRA then you won’t notice the crowd.
Your sound may not be what others like. I like country music and maybe you hate it. You may like a sound that hurts my ears. Either way, it’s a beautiful sound to someone.